What to do when someone you love is at risk

If someone you know is struggling emotionally or having a hard time, you can be the difference in getting them the help they need. Assume you’re the only one who knows and will reach out. It’s important to take care of yourself when you are supporting someone through a difficult time, as this may bring up difficult emotions. If it does, please reach out for support yourself.

If there is an immediate risk, calling for help is important. Call or text 988, or chat 988lifeline.org. For emergency situations please call 911 and ask for a Mental Health Trained Officer

Understand the warning signs

Understanding warnings signs may help to determine if a loved on is at risk for suicide, especially if the behavior is new, increased, and seems to be related to an impactful event, loss, or change.

Warning signs include, but are not limited to

  • Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves

  • Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun

  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live

  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain

  • Talking about being a burden to others

  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs

  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly

  • Sleeping too little or too much

  • Withdrawing or isolating themselves

  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge

  • Extreme mood swings

How can you help them find the help they need?

It can be scary when a friend or loved one is thinking about suicide. It’s hard to know how a suicidal crisis feels and how to act. Contact 988 at any time for help if a friend is struggling.

  • Talking with and finding help for someone that may be suicidal can be difficult. Here are some tips that may help.

    • Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.

    • Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.

    • Be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or whether feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.

    • Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.

    • Don’t dare them to do it.

    • Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.

    • Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.

    • Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.

    • Take action. Remove means, like weapons or pills.

    • Get help from people or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.

  • These evidence-based action steps provide a blueprint for reaching and helping someone in crisis.

    1. Ask.

    2. Be there.

    3. Help keep them safe.

    4. Help them connect.

    5. Follow up.

  • Hearing someone talk is different from actively listening to what that person is saying. Active listening requires concentration and understanding. Improving your listening skills is easy to do with practice and these helpful tips.

    Acknowledge the Speaker

    This can be as simple as a head nod or an “Uh huh.” By acknowledging the speaker, you are letting them know that you are listening to what they have to say and reminding yourself to pay attention to what is being said to you.

    Respond Verbally

    Asking questions or making statements may help clarify what the speaker is saying. It reminds the speaker that you are listening attentively and that you are here to help them and are truly concerned. Be sure to let the speaker finish talking before asking any questions.

    Summarize What You Hear

    Reflecting on what the listener is saying is also a positive verbal active listening technique. By repeating, paraphrasing or even summarizing what the speaker has said shows that you are putting in effort to better understand them. Use phrases like; “what I’m hearing is…”or, “sounds like you’re saying….” These tactics can also allow the speaker to hear what they are saying, which may help them find positive reinforcement.

    Look the Part

    Keeping eye contact, maintaining good posture, and staying focused are key components of active listening and interpersonal communication. Being distracted and unfocused gives the speaker the impression that you aren’t paying attention.

    When you actively listen to someone, you are letting them know that you care about what they are saying and can indicate that you are concerned for their health and safety.

  • Find resources to help them through this difficult time.